Claudia Dennison Wins It With Venison

(ALGONQUIN, ON)
In an unbelievable upset victory, Claudia Dennison walked away with the big prize last night in the annual chili contest held in Algonquin. Her chili competed with five other excellent chilis and after three rounds of sometimes puzzling, yet always entertaining judgment, "Triple C Chili" was named the winner.

"Your Chili's on Fire," Judge Jason Sloan boldly declared after snuffing out the candle of the runner up, Cherice Chant's, chili.

"I'm shocked, " Dennison said after the announcement. "I really didn't think I'd win. This was my first year of competition and I was just happy to be here."

There was a shock of her own to be delivered.

"I used a secret ingredient: Porcupine," Dennison quipped.

But it was only a tease. In fact, her award winning chili did contain trace elements of deer meat and beans from local grocer Funicuan's store in North Augusta.

Among the also-rans were last year's first place winner, Kathleen Wright, Former Child-Mayor Steve Clark, Hockey Mom Extraordiarre Tina Smith and Chili Contest Provocateur Mark Oliver.

The Groundhog Day BigAss Chili Cookoff began as a way to beat the winter blues in February of 2003. BCI Football Coach Peter Atkinson, a long time friend of Oliver's challenged Oliver to a no-holds-barred cookoff to see who was the better chef. Within a few days the original event was scheduled, rules laid out and a judging panel selected. Atkinson's chili won. An expensive trophy was commissioned and is kept up to date with each year's winner's name engraved upon it. The winner gets to display the trophy for one year and is awarded full bragging rights as well.

So far, this contest is by invitation only, but Oliver would like to see it opened up and made part of a larger Algonquin Village Groundhog Celebration Weekend sometime in the future. Dreams of a parade, a dance and of course a Chili Cookoff drift through his head on a regular basis.

But for now, the Chili Cookoff will remain as is; A proud tradition of tasting excellence and a fun filled friendly winter rivalry.

Today is PayDay!

Yes. Finally. This is the day all Groundhog's have been waiting for: The 4th Annual Groundhog Day Big Ass Chili Cookoff!

I've had to do a little research and a bit of investigating reporting to round out the field of contestants. At our inaugural GDBACC, we had the honour of having two of Brockville's most visible "personalities" amongst our judging panel: Steve and Deanna Clark. Ever since that day, they have begged and pleaded, bribed and blackmailed, and most recently - just plain put up a great big 'huff' whenever I saw them. So - along with the rest of you who were invited to join us, they received special invitations as well as several follow up phone calls and emails.

Yesterday's 9am phone call:
Mark: Put me through to "Deeny Clark"
Reception: Deanna?
Mark: Whoever.
sfx: ring
Deanna: Sports.
Mark: Are you coming or not?
Deanna: I replied to your message. I'm coming. I've very busy right now. I'm on DEADLINE!!!
Mark: Cool. I'll put you down for coming. And I'll name your chili for you. See ya.
Deanna: I'm on DEADLINE!!!
Mark: I got that. Good bye.

So. With that. We have our fifth entry into the race.
Deanna Clark with her very busy concoction: "Deadline Chili". I look forward to smelling it soon.

In the wait-and-see category: First Edition Cookoff Winner, Mr. Pete Atkinson - He no sure. After suffering back to back loses since his narrow and contested victory (he used liquid smoke, now a banned substance) he's pretty much a chili cripple now. If he does show up (and we hope that he does) I'll have a special spot for his "Gimp Chili". Kent Swirsky, three time contestant and fellow looser, has failed to even acknowledge this contest's existence. I suspect that he's now anti-chili and is staging a silent protest to bring focus on the cruelty of this ritualistic barbarianism that is basically boiling HUMAN KIDNEY BEANS!!! Hey, word to Kent - they aren't from humans. They aren't even kidneys. They are simply a bean. They are meant to be eaten! Deal with it ding-dong!

Okay - finally - you are asking yourself, "What about you, Mark Oliver, what are you doing this year that is going to blow our minds?!"

Well - I've just put the finishing touches on this year's masterpiece and I've named it: "Chili From the Gonk". Sing along to it to the tune of "Jenny from the Block". Have a bowl or two and you'll get what I'm talking about.

See you all and your smelly chilis soon!

Time To Add More Garlic!

Whoa! It's just around the corner now!

The 4th Annual Groundhog Day Big Ass Chili Contest. And we've got another entrant, Tina Smith. Now, for those of you not familiar with Ms. Smith, she has a bit of a shady history as far as cooking contests go. You see, at the sister event to ours, The RibOff, she and her husband - Dave - and their eldest son, Matthew, were the judges. So for the shady part, I didn't win. But she and Matthew BOTH voted my ribs best. Normally I win best pecs at this particular pool side event, but I'd take her vote on anything. You're asking why someone with two out of three number one favourite votes did not take the prize - me too! So - Anyway, Dave and Matthew are out of town on a hockey tournament this weekend, but Tina's one more person to put to total shame this weekend! I look forward to smelling her Sweet Hockey Scoring Chili soon!

We have extended the deadline, and are expecting a few last minute competitors. But really, FRIDAY NOON please! I have to hand stitch the doilies with your names on them, and that really takes time.

You know who you are - GET YOUR NAME, YOUR CHILI'S NAME and YOUR PHOTO to me NOW!!!

Unless you are still clinging to your mommy's underhose, crying and bug-eyed, wondering why, oh why, would someone challenge you to throw down so close to Groundhog Day!

Get over it!

The Heat Is On!

A lot has happened over the past 24 hours - and it's not all chalk and cheese.

Due to an overwhelmingly pressing engagement - last year's amazing judge, A.J. Benoit and his beautiful wife, Joanne, are not able to attend, compete nor phoo-phoo our event. I've tried to persude A.J. that he could get his Mickey Mouse tattoo removed pretty much any time, but he feels that the Saturday following Groundhog Day is best for him. All the best, Benoits, we'll miss your clever selves.

But hey! More beer and better chances for the rest of us. And the rest of us just got bigger!

This just in - my vibrating Blackberry tells me that we have our third contestant! None other than last year's BigAssChili Cookoff Winner, Kathleen Wright, has fired a warning shot across my hottub. "I'm in. But only because I want to see a grown man cry... again!" She's bringing a steaming hot pot of "Hell's Kitchen Chili" that we can only hope Jamie hasn't had any part in preparing.

Kathleen - you are so out of it now that garnishes are forbidden! Hope you enjoyed your year in the sun - but you're going down - just the rest of the previous chili winners!

To the rest of you sissies, mommy's boys and sour faced girlie girls - get your arse's to the grocery store, find yourself a recipe and send me an email to register!!! This is the party that we've been waiting all year to complain about.

Two Entries Already

Wow, that didn't take long!

Straight out of the chute was 2004 Winner Cherice Chant with her registration. She has tied her wagon to her new designer chili called, "Hooter Tooter" in honour of her sister's famous boobs and her penchant for letting off some steam after a nice hot bowl of chili. This sounds like a good one, but only the good mystery judge will tell.

Second up was newcomer Claudia Dennison. She partook of last year's competition as an observer and has been ticking off the days on her calendar ever since. All summer long she's been experimenting with various themes and twists and has thrown her teensy towel in to the ring. So beware of her entry, "Triple C Chili" at this year's Blow Your Socks Off chili competetion.

For those of you who are still clinging to your mother's apron strings, too afraid to come out and smell the peppers - get your entry in now!!! Only room for 10 and two are in already! Bottoms up!

The Invitation: 4th Annual Groundhog Day Big Ass Chili CookOff

After working out the kinks over the past three years, this year's edition of the "Groundhog Day Big Ass Chili CookOff" is going to blow your socks off!

Never before have so many be invited to experience so much chili in so little breathing room. The downstairs bathroom has been stocked with Cottonelle, the Grenville County Health Department are arriving this week to inspect the weeper beds, and I've personally bought out the SuperStore, Sav-A-Centre and Loebs halepeno pepper supplies.

There is nowhere to hide.

The Invitations
Saturday February 4th, 2006
4750 County Road 15, Algonquin ON
(The Olivers)
Doors open at 2pm.
Official Tasting/Judging begins at 4pm.

The Rules

• Chili must be 'homemade" and not just a can from the supermarket.
• Minimum quantity must be 8 cups.
• Bring your own heating container (crockpot)
• All chilis will be served "blind" to the judges in random order.
• All chilis will be served in bowls provided by the house.
• NO garnishes or otherwise churching up the chili.
• Just chili in a bowl.

Prizes
Winner will receive a begruding round of applause, their name will be engraved on the trophy along side the previous three lucky winners and hopefully, we can get a nice framed certificate of accomplishment printed up for you as well. Of course the biggest prize of all are the years supply of Bragging Rights.

To Register:
1) I need you to confirm that you are coming as soon as possible (Wednesday at the latest) so I can get prepared for your arrival. To do so, just click on the word "COMMENTS" link below (not the email envelope beside it) and post the following information:
2) Your name, your decision to come and duke it out, or to hide in your mother's apron and cry like a sissy, the NAME OF YOUR CHILI (very important), and how many people in your entourage.
3) Digital snap shot of the contestant is required upon registration (that means 1 and 2 above), so if you can master attaching a photo of yourself to your comments, wow, that's great. But if not, email it to me.

Any Q's? Didn't think so.

Cheers.

Mark Oliver
Three Time Chili Contest Loser

home 926-1153 cell 213-1282
mark@comedyafoot.com